May 28, 2014 Weight 209lbs.
Well, here I go again. For the umpteenth time. Getting serious about my weight. It's so depressing and what's worse, I can't blame it on anyone but myself. I've gotten on and off the wagon so many times the last two years or so, it's discouraging.
Enough bellyaching. As the school year winds down, I am planning on spending more time at the gym and planning good, healthy meals. For awhile I tried a combination of Paleo and gluten free eating. Yeah, that lasted about a week. I don't know which direction to go in. I was determined to not buy or eat any Weight Watchers meals as they're loaded with preservatives. But, they're so damned convenient. So, this week I am back on eating them. They taste good and are low in calories.
So, what I've decided is to eat as "clean" as possible but not to be too rigid. I am also planning on going back to counting calories again. That seemed to work the best for me. I'm resisting that as it's a gigantic pain in the neck, among other places.
Wednesday, May 28, 2014
Tuesday, December 31, 2013
Another Start
Weight 199 lbs.
Starting again. The story of my life. I'm so disgusted with myself for putting so much weight back on. But being disgusted doesn't help me get to where I want to be. So, I'm trying to be positive about this.
"I want to be healthy and I want to be thin." I kept repeating that to myself yesterday while I was on the treadmill. It's a good mantra. Maybe it should be "I want to be at a healthy weight" instead, though. Because, amazingly, with all the abuse I've put my poor body through in terms of eating and weight, I'm in very good health. I have no right to be considering how I've eaten throughout my life and avoided exercise like it was the plague.
I keep trying to find a way to do this with as little pain as possible. A month ago I started counting calories again and lost over ten pounds. Today counting calories again is depressing so I'm going to try it by just making good food decisions and exercising.
Sunday, October 28, 2012
STARTING OVER
It's been over a year since writing an entry. The last was in September 2011. But for the past week I've been kicking the idea of starting up again around in my head.
This week has been nothing but depressing in more than one area of my life. On Sunday I jogged/walked a 5K and was certain that I had beat my time by minutes from the previous Saturday only to find out I didn't. I felt that I'd spent more time jogging at a good clip than the previous Saturday and was very disappointed. I'm signed up for another 5k in San Francisco, "The Mermaid Run" in November and am not sure I'll even go.
Monday is my weigh-in day at Weight Watchers. I figured I'd lost a little but when I weighed I was up by about a pound. I began eating directly after the meeting and haven't stopped yet.
Tuesday I found out a wonderful teacher and all around great person was killed in a car accident. She was a special education teacher I'd worked with a couple of times. Every time I ran into Joan she was friendly and cheerful. She leaves behind a husband, three children and many people who loved her.
Thursday I decided to weigh myself at my doctor's office. When I stepped on the scale it weighed me almost ten pounds heavier than the Weight Watcher's scale on Monday night. I know that I didn't put on ten pounds in three days, so one of the scales was wrong. When I got home I hopped on my scale and it was a couple of pounds lighter than my doctor's scale. Two scales say my weight is around 185 and one that says it's around 175. Which scale do I believe? I think tomorrow I'll weigh at my doctor's and then go on to my Weight Watchers meeting to weigh.
Friday and Saturday I spent eating anything and everything I wanted. Too depressing to go into in detail, so I won't. Today I've done nothing but eat, sleep and watch television. I didn't even feel like going out to eat or get more junk food. I've been eating whatever I can find here, some healthy things and some not so healthy.
What concerns me is that I feel exactly like I have the other times I lost weight and then put it all back on again. The depression and feelings of hopelessness are so familiar they're almost old friends. Except they're not friends, they're just familiar. I'm so afraid of putting the weight back on, even the weight I thought I'd lost, but evidently (at least according to my doctor's scale) didn't.
Right now there's a superstorm, Hurricane Sandy, battering the east coast. I'm in the middle of my own superstorm. I feel like everything is crashing down on me and I'm powerless to stop the ball rolling and threatening to run me over. I keep telling myself that I will begin again tomorrow with an early morning workout at the gym. However, I said that to myself all day yesterday and it didn't happen. I am telling myself right now that I WILL go tomorrow and feel confident that this time I'll really go. I'm hoping I do keep that date and begin back on the road to weight loss and feeling better.
Saturday, September 10, 2011
My First 5K
This morning my sister, Christine, and I ran/jogged/walked a 5K in honor of firefighters who lost their lives in the twin towers on September 11, 2001. Christine is a runner, who just recently ran the San Francisco Marathon, so she ran. I was the jogger/walker. I had been contemplating entering a 5K for the past couple of months and when I heard this one advertised on KAT 103.3 last week I decided that this would be the one.
With the 10th anniversary of the terrorist attacks of 9/11 approaching I was reminded of the helplessness I felt on that day. Watching the towers fall on live television there was nothing I could do but cry and pray. Later that day there was a special Mass at St. Stanislaus Church to attend. On the way home, hoping that there would be survivors in need of blood, I stopped at the Delta Blood Bank to donate. There was a long line of people there already and the workers were sending everyone home. Again, feelings of helplessness and disappointment.
Watching television coverage of the many memorials planned for this weekend reminded me of the helplessness I felt ten years ago. Being a part of this special event eased that. Participants in the 5K were given a lanyard with the photo and name of a hero firefighter who died that day. All along the way there were volunteers pointing us in the right direction and waving our flag. I finished in just over 43 minutes, which isn't anything to write home about, but it is a start. I plan to enter more of these events. I've needed something to challenge me a little more and maybe I've found it.
With the 10th anniversary of the terrorist attacks of 9/11 approaching I was reminded of the helplessness I felt on that day. Watching the towers fall on live television there was nothing I could do but cry and pray. Later that day there was a special Mass at St. Stanislaus Church to attend. On the way home, hoping that there would be survivors in need of blood, I stopped at the Delta Blood Bank to donate. There was a long line of people there already and the workers were sending everyone home. Again, feelings of helplessness and disappointment.
Watching television coverage of the many memorials planned for this weekend reminded me of the helplessness I felt ten years ago. Being a part of this special event eased that. Participants in the 5K were given a lanyard with the photo and name of a hero firefighter who died that day. All along the way there were volunteers pointing us in the right direction and waving our flag. I finished in just over 43 minutes, which isn't anything to write home about, but it is a start. I plan to enter more of these events. I've needed something to challenge me a little more and maybe I've found it.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
A New Beginning
Weight 170 pounds
That number looks better. Last week I'd gained another half pound which put me at 174 so I buckled down and got more serious. Also, last week school started and I was much more active. Another side benefit from being back in school is that I don't have access to food as much as I do on vacations.
My summer vacation just flew by this year. They always seem to go fast, but this one especially so. I had to move from one classroom to another on the other side of the building so I spent quite a bit of time at school moving and setting up a new room. Then there was all the time I wasted in front of the boob tube. My intentions for this past summer were to stay active working in my yard and helping with a large garden at my mom's place in Escalon. You know what they say about good intentions (in case you don't, the road to hell is paved with them). I did work in my yard and plant some new jasmine and honeysuckle vines along with some ground cover, but that was about it. I seem to get more done when I don't have as much time to do it in. Maybe it's the discipline of being back in school, but I'm more productive at home during the school year. Go figure.
One thing I'm planning on doing at school is to be more physically active with my class. Having kindergartners, at this time of the year, I need to take activity breaks often during our mornings to let them get their wiggles out. So instead of just supervising the activity, I am joining in with them. Besides the benefit of providing comic relief for my kids, I get in a little extra exercise. I'm also taking them out for P.E. and am more of a participant there as well. This year we have three kindergarten classes at Van Allen and a couple of times a week I will be taking half of them out for P.E. while the other half are playing indoors. Yesterday was the first day we did this and the kids did well considering it was the first P.E. lesson. I'm looking forward to a very active year!
Monday, August 8, 2011
Vacation Indiscretions
Monday, August 8, 2011.
Weight 173.5 Gain of 3.5 pounds.
No surprise at the gain. I've been sliding quite a bit lately. Last week I was on vacation for a few days on the coast. Thursday through Sunday I did very well with watching what I ate. To save some money as well as calories, this time I brought an ice chest along and packed it with fruits, vegetables, yogurt, low fat deli meats, pancakes and turkey bacon. So most of my meals I stayed pretty much on my eating plan. However, on Monday I went nuts.
One of my favorite television channels is, of course, the Food Network. A couple of years ago I was watching an episode of "Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives" and a little hole in the wall cafe in San Francisco was one of the diners featured. The name of the place is "Dottie's True Blue Cafe". It's on Jones Street near Union Square. They serve the most wonderful, creative foods - all made there in the kitchen. It's a very small place with a line of people out the door waiting to be seated. Although they are famous for their blueberry cornmeal pancakes I ordered one of the daily specials, chocolate chip, butterscotch chip french toast with chicken apple sausage. Oh yummm!
Then I hopped on a cable car and it was on to Fisherman's Wharf. I walked around looking at all of the tourist trap places and managed to resist the temptation to spend a bunch of money there. The Exploratorium is a place I've never visited and I decided to walk to it from the Wharf. It's over two miles, but it was a nice, cool, overcast day and I enjoyed the walk. I arrived at the Exploratorium only to be told that it's closed to the public on Mondays. As I turned around to walk the two miles back to the wharf I fantasized about what I was going to order at Ghiradelli Square. By the time I got there I had decided against totally blowing my diet by indulging in Ghiradelli chocolate. Score one for me.
That evening the lure of dinner at an Italian restuarant in North Beach, however, was too much to resist. I walked up and down the street trying to decide where to further blow my diet. Finally I chose to eat outside at Volare. An order of spaghetti with meatballs, french bread dipped in olive oil and balsamic vinegar, a glass of white wine anda piece of double chocolate cake later I headed back to the motel for the evening.
I probably could have avoided gaining as much as I did if my "naughty" eating was confined to Monday. However, I continued to make unwise choices until Thursday morning when I went back to the gym to work out. All in all, I didn't do too badly. Going on vacation used to be just one long excuse to eat whatever I wanted. That didn't happen this time and I feel very good about that.
Monday, July 25, 2011
A Blessed Life
Weight 170. No gain, no loss this week. Good 'nuff.
I actually weighed myself on Sunday morning instead of my usual Monday morning weigh-in. I'm babysitting my two nieces Madeline and Abby and am away from my scale today. I wasn't surprised that I didn't lose anything this past week. Tuesday evening I hosted a small get together for some friends from church and didn't exactly keep to the eating plan. It could have been worse, but I definitely let loose. The good, no great, thing about it is that I didn't beat myself up about it and went back to watching the calories and exercising the next day.
Yesterday my nephew threw a surprise 30th birthday party for his wife, Jennifer. It was a good time for all. Jennifer is a former student of mine. She was in my first grade and second grade classes when I was teaching at Farmington School. A few years back when they started dating I was thrilled to hear Christopher found a great girl. Now, they have three beautiful children. Ryan, their oldest, will be starting kindergarten at Van Allen this year and, even if he isn't in my class, I will get to see him every day. A little constant reminder of how old I'm getting!
Another sign of age creeping up on me is actually working alongside students I had in class years ago. A young woman I had as a first grader years ago at Farmington has worked as a substitute teacher at Van Allen. I found out Saturday that she will be teaching kindergarten in Stanislaus County this coming fall. She's going to make a wonderful teacher. Her students are very lucky. And I feel lucky and blessed that I'm surrounded by such wonderful people, both family and friends.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Every Small Step
Didn't do so well at the gym this morning. After about 20 minutes at 4.5 mph my body just pooped out and had to slow down to 4.3. It was all downhill after that. By the last ten minjutes I was walking at a slow 3.6 mph. But I was determined to stay on the blasted thing for an hour and am glad I did. Every small step is a victory.
Speaking of victory, one of the reasons it hasn't been too difficult to get to the gym very early in the morning is that one of the nine televisions is tuned to the Fox News Channel which carries the morning show Fox and Friends. I love this show and look forward to watching it every weekday morning. This morning they had a short segment on a bike ride taking place in New York tomorrow. The riders are members of the Wounded Warrior Project. These are men and women who have returned from war with wounds. Some of the wounds are obvious and visible and some aren't. It is inspiring to me to see these people who have sacrificed so much work and learn to overcome their challenges. If you're interested, check out the Wounded Warrior Project website, www.woundedwarriorproject.org. It will give you reason to be thankful that there are men and women willing to put their lives on the line so we can live in peace and freedom here.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
How Fast the Time Flies!
Post #42 Current weight: 170 pounds. Total pounds lost 89.
Today is the one year anniversary of my first blog entry. I guess it's kind of pathetic that it's only post #42. My last entry was on January 31st. After that, I just gave up on trying to come up with stuff to write about and quit. However, luckily, I did not quit losing weight. Since last July when I weighed 259 pounds, 89 pounds have been shed. My total weight loss is actually 100 pounds. My heaviest weight was 270 pounds. That was a few years ago. It scared me to be so close to 300 pounds and I lost about fifty pounds. Some of that weight had been put back on when I began this latest attempt. It hasn't been as hard as I thought it would be, but it hasn't been a picnic either.
Counting calories is still a major part of my life and I keep them between 1200 and 1300 a day. Hitting the gym five mornings a week is the norm. At this time I spend an hour on the treadmill at speeds between 4.3 and 4.5 mph. I've worked with weight machines off and on (mostly off) also. This is an area where my discipline needs to develop. I still hate those things.
Thankfully, good health is a blessing I continue to enjoy. My health is so much better than I deserve. God must surely like me, to keep me this healthy when I've spent most of my life trying to ruin it in one way or another. Thank you for your patience, Lord.
So, I'm going to take another stab at this blogging thing. I want to learn a little bit more about how to "fancy" it up a bit. There must be a "Blogging for Dummies" book out there with my name on it.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Focusing on the Blessings
Post #41
Weight 195 loss of 2.5 pounds
It's been two weeks since I've last posted my weight. Last week I weighed 197.5 which was the same as the week before. Last week I stepped up my cardio workouts and it has paid off. When I remember that last summer I was walking the treadmill at 3.2mph and now am up to 3.9mph for 45 minutes and elevation of 1.0, it's encouraging. My clothes are becoming looser, too. This weekend I should go shopping for some new ones. We'll see after all the bills get paid.
School keeps me so busy during the week that even the thought of blogging at the end of the day makes me tired. I've managed to be disciplined in every other area of my life, but this one. When I get home at the end of the day I'm on my computer almost immediately, but all I do is check my e-mail, my Facebook page and then a jigsaw puzzle site I love to play on. Thinking of stuff to write is just too much work. Besides, my life is pretty mundane. Not much happens that would be interesting to read about. If I could write about the details of my school day, that would be a different matter, but that is off limits due to confidentiality issues. That's too bad, as the kids almost daily do or say something that is funny, touching or frustrating. They keep my life and job from being boring. There's always something happening at school.
Another thing I do on the computer is check out some favorite homemaking blogs I've put in my favorites column. I love to read these to see how the other half lives. The half that, as a young girl, I just assumed I would be a part of. These are women who are wives and mothers, many of them stay at home moms who homeschool their children. They are very creative. I'm not sure why I am drawn to these blogs as their lives are so different from the one I'm living. For some reason there is a yearning there. Maybe it's grief for a life I've always wanted but just wasn't in the cards for me. As I read these now, I just try to enjoy the creativity there and focus on the many blessings I do enjoy in my own life. I've so much to be thankful for.
Weight 195 loss of 2.5 pounds
It's been two weeks since I've last posted my weight. Last week I weighed 197.5 which was the same as the week before. Last week I stepped up my cardio workouts and it has paid off. When I remember that last summer I was walking the treadmill at 3.2mph and now am up to 3.9mph for 45 minutes and elevation of 1.0, it's encouraging. My clothes are becoming looser, too. This weekend I should go shopping for some new ones. We'll see after all the bills get paid.
School keeps me so busy during the week that even the thought of blogging at the end of the day makes me tired. I've managed to be disciplined in every other area of my life, but this one. When I get home at the end of the day I'm on my computer almost immediately, but all I do is check my e-mail, my Facebook page and then a jigsaw puzzle site I love to play on. Thinking of stuff to write is just too much work. Besides, my life is pretty mundane. Not much happens that would be interesting to read about. If I could write about the details of my school day, that would be a different matter, but that is off limits due to confidentiality issues. That's too bad, as the kids almost daily do or say something that is funny, touching or frustrating. They keep my life and job from being boring. There's always something happening at school.
Another thing I do on the computer is check out some favorite homemaking blogs I've put in my favorites column. I love to read these to see how the other half lives. The half that, as a young girl, I just assumed I would be a part of. These are women who are wives and mothers, many of them stay at home moms who homeschool their children. They are very creative. I'm not sure why I am drawn to these blogs as their lives are so different from the one I'm living. For some reason there is a yearning there. Maybe it's grief for a life I've always wanted but just wasn't in the cards for me. As I read these now, I just try to enjoy the creativity there and focus on the many blessings I do enjoy in my own life. I've so much to be thankful for.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
No Pain, No Loss
Entry #40
Weight 197.5 Loss of l pound.
The weight continues to come off and I'm grateful for that. Since my big gain right before Christmas I've been doing well with the eating. That is, until this past Monday. The day started off well but my niece Mallory celebrated her birthday on Monday and I just let loose and ate all kinds of stuff I shouldn't have.
People are starting to notice my weight loss and it's nice and uncomfortable at the same time. When others notice and comment on it, for some reason I feel uncomfortable, almost embarassed. I'm not sure why that is. It's always been a little difficult to receive compliments. I'm working on receiving them graciously.
Tonight will present another challenge. Our school has a fundraiser at a local pizza parlor and I'll be there with some of my family. There's not much on the menu that I would normally eat. My plan is to eat a lighter breakfast and lunch and save a few more calories for dinner. I'll have one slice of pizza and a small salad with lowfat dressing. That should be okay as long as I work out every morning, including Saturday and possibly Sunday. Sometimes it's such a pain to have to figure out how to budget calories and eat well. But, as the saying goes, "no pain, no gain". Or in my case, "no pain, no loss".
Weight 197.5 Loss of l pound.
The weight continues to come off and I'm grateful for that. Since my big gain right before Christmas I've been doing well with the eating. That is, until this past Monday. The day started off well but my niece Mallory celebrated her birthday on Monday and I just let loose and ate all kinds of stuff I shouldn't have.
People are starting to notice my weight loss and it's nice and uncomfortable at the same time. When others notice and comment on it, for some reason I feel uncomfortable, almost embarassed. I'm not sure why that is. It's always been a little difficult to receive compliments. I'm working on receiving them graciously.
Tonight will present another challenge. Our school has a fundraiser at a local pizza parlor and I'll be there with some of my family. There's not much on the menu that I would normally eat. My plan is to eat a lighter breakfast and lunch and save a few more calories for dinner. I'll have one slice of pizza and a small salad with lowfat dressing. That should be okay as long as I work out every morning, including Saturday and possibly Sunday. Sometimes it's such a pain to have to figure out how to budget calories and eat well. But, as the saying goes, "no pain, no gain". Or in my case, "no pain, no loss".
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Entry #39
Well, I guess it's better late than never. It's been years since I've made any New Year's resolutions. It took too much discipline to stick with them, so they went by the wayside after a few days or weeks. After some thought I've come up with a few things I'd like to accomplish this next year. These are goals to be worked toward more than resolutions.
The first, of course, is to stay on track with diet and exercise. At this time I'm using the weight machines for my upper body only and the elliptical and treadmill for cardio. On the elliptical I spend 15 minutes at level 5. I'm on the treadmill for 45 minutes, incline level 0.5, speed 3.8 mph. At this time I usually bump up the difficulty/speed when I can sustain the current levels with little difficulty. This seems to be working well, so I won't change it for now. I would like to add Saturday and Sunday workouts to my schedule, so this will be a goal.
Reading is one of my favorite things to do. I usually have one or two books going at a time. History, historical fiction and books set in New England or the South interest me, so those are what I usually read. As I was thinking about these goals it came to me that it would be good to challenge myself and read some books about subjects that don't appeal to me. Here's my list:
1. Books written by people on the other side of the political aisle.
2. Science fiction
3. Books written about an aspect of teaching. I usually avoid these books because it feels like I never leave work when I read them at home in "my" time.
4. Sports
Well, I guess it's better late than never. It's been years since I've made any New Year's resolutions. It took too much discipline to stick with them, so they went by the wayside after a few days or weeks. After some thought I've come up with a few things I'd like to accomplish this next year. These are goals to be worked toward more than resolutions.
The first, of course, is to stay on track with diet and exercise. At this time I'm using the weight machines for my upper body only and the elliptical and treadmill for cardio. On the elliptical I spend 15 minutes at level 5. I'm on the treadmill for 45 minutes, incline level 0.5, speed 3.8 mph. At this time I usually bump up the difficulty/speed when I can sustain the current levels with little difficulty. This seems to be working well, so I won't change it for now. I would like to add Saturday and Sunday workouts to my schedule, so this will be a goal.
Reading is one of my favorite things to do. I usually have one or two books going at a time. History, historical fiction and books set in New England or the South interest me, so those are what I usually read. As I was thinking about these goals it came to me that it would be good to challenge myself and read some books about subjects that don't appeal to me. Here's my list:
1. Books written by people on the other side of the political aisle.
2. Science fiction
3. Books written about an aspect of teaching. I usually avoid these books because it feels like I never leave work when I read them at home in "my" time.
4. Sports
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Entry #38
Weight 198.5 Loss of 2 pounds
This was very good news for my Monday morning. For the first time in probably ten years I'm under 200 pounds. This has inspired me to work even harder to reach my goal.
In an earlier post I said I wanted to be at my goal of 120 pounds by next Christmas. I'm not sure that will be possible, but I'm still going to try my best to do it. I'm very thankful to God for helping me stay strong in my weaker moments and to my family and friends who have been encouraging me, including those of you who post comments once in awhile.
Weight 198.5 Loss of 2 pounds
This was very good news for my Monday morning. For the first time in probably ten years I'm under 200 pounds. This has inspired me to work even harder to reach my goal.
In an earlier post I said I wanted to be at my goal of 120 pounds by next Christmas. I'm not sure that will be possible, but I'm still going to try my best to do it. I'm very thankful to God for helping me stay strong in my weaker moments and to my family and friends who have been encouraging me, including those of you who post comments once in awhile.
Monday, January 3, 2011
A New Year
Entry #37
December 27 Weight 202.5 Loss of 7.5 pounds
January 3 Weight 200.5 Loss of 2 pounds
I've been so bad about keeping this blog up. I wish I could blame it on being busy, but after having two weeks off from school, that would be somewhat less than honest.
I don't know what's been going on with my weight for the past two weeks. I put on over five pounds in a week because I ate so many of the Christmas goodies I baked. Then in one week's time I lost 7 1/2 pounds. During that week I had the stomach flu and didn't eat much of anything for two days and for the rest of the week I was good with my food and exercise. Still, it's hard to believe I could lose that much weight in one week. However, I did step on the scale holding two five pound weights and my weight was correct, so I guess somehow I did lose all that weight.
My loss this past week is a little more believable. I'm so happy to almost be under 200 pounds for the first time in over ten years! I'm looking forward to doing a little clothes shopping maybe next weekend.
With these past two successes also comes struggling with some old familiar bad habits. For some reason I've been having a hard time staying away from snacking between meals. I don't eat a lot, but it's a habit I had curbed for the most part since last summer. Also, I find myself thinking wistfully about going on just a "little" binge. I remember how good it felt to just let go and eat whatever my heart desired in any amount I wanted. Of course, the feelings changed to guilt, disappointment, and depression almost as soon as I'd finished eating. After that I would struggle with trying to go back on a diet which was not usually successful. Thankfully, remembering the bad side of a binge has kept me in check.
The holidays are over again for another year. Once again I did not decorate for Christmas. It's hard to get too excited about decorating for just myself. But I've often wondered why I don't "get in the Christmas spirit" and decorate. After spending some time this year thinking about it I think I may have hit on the reason.
When I was younger and living at home we always decorated for Christmas with a tree and other festive decorations. Then January first came around and the next day all the decorations came down and were packed away for another year. That was always such a difficult and depressing day for me. I think maybe the reason I don't like to decorate is that I don't want to deal with having to take everything down and pack it away as well as the feelings that go along with that. I need to come up with something to be happy about in January. That will take some thought.
Although I gave up making New Year's resolutions years ago, it would be good to set some goals. But I think I'll spend some time thinking about what I want them to be and put them in another post.
December 27 Weight 202.5 Loss of 7.5 pounds
January 3 Weight 200.5 Loss of 2 pounds
I've been so bad about keeping this blog up. I wish I could blame it on being busy, but after having two weeks off from school, that would be somewhat less than honest.
I don't know what's been going on with my weight for the past two weeks. I put on over five pounds in a week because I ate so many of the Christmas goodies I baked. Then in one week's time I lost 7 1/2 pounds. During that week I had the stomach flu and didn't eat much of anything for two days and for the rest of the week I was good with my food and exercise. Still, it's hard to believe I could lose that much weight in one week. However, I did step on the scale holding two five pound weights and my weight was correct, so I guess somehow I did lose all that weight.
My loss this past week is a little more believable. I'm so happy to almost be under 200 pounds for the first time in over ten years! I'm looking forward to doing a little clothes shopping maybe next weekend.
With these past two successes also comes struggling with some old familiar bad habits. For some reason I've been having a hard time staying away from snacking between meals. I don't eat a lot, but it's a habit I had curbed for the most part since last summer. Also, I find myself thinking wistfully about going on just a "little" binge. I remember how good it felt to just let go and eat whatever my heart desired in any amount I wanted. Of course, the feelings changed to guilt, disappointment, and depression almost as soon as I'd finished eating. After that I would struggle with trying to go back on a diet which was not usually successful. Thankfully, remembering the bad side of a binge has kept me in check.
The holidays are over again for another year. Once again I did not decorate for Christmas. It's hard to get too excited about decorating for just myself. But I've often wondered why I don't "get in the Christmas spirit" and decorate. After spending some time this year thinking about it I think I may have hit on the reason.
When I was younger and living at home we always decorated for Christmas with a tree and other festive decorations. Then January first came around and the next day all the decorations came down and were packed away for another year. That was always such a difficult and depressing day for me. I think maybe the reason I don't like to decorate is that I don't want to deal with having to take everything down and pack it away as well as the feelings that go along with that. I need to come up with something to be happy about in January. That will take some thought.
Although I gave up making New Year's resolutions years ago, it would be good to set some goals. But I think I'll spend some time thinking about what I want them to be and put them in another post.
Monday, December 20, 2010
A New Beginning and a New Goal
Entry #36
Dec. 6 weight 204.5 loss of 2 1/2 pounds since Dec. 1st post
Dec. 13 weight 204.5
Dec. 20 weight 210 gain of 5 1/2 pounds
Well, I've learned my lesson when it comes to baking at Christmas time. It won't happen again. I baked up a storm this year for the first time in many years. In earlier posts I mentioned that I had a lot of mom helpers in my classroom this year and decided the cheapest thing to do for Christmas gifts was to bake. I baked two kinds of cookies, pumpkin bread and one candy. I did very well in terms of not eating what I'd made. That is, until last Wednesday when I was bagging everything up for the individual gifts. I had some leftover cookies and instead of putting them down the disposal I ate "just a few". That's what I told myself I would do. And "just a few" turned into many more and that led to four days of abandon where I ate anything my little 'ole heart desired.
Today I go back to the gym where I plan to add new machines to my weight training regimen. Last week I began jogging at 3.8 mph for most of the 45 minutes I was on the treadmill and plan to do that again today. I will also go back to counting calories every day and keeping them at or under 1200. Christmas Eve our family is gathering at my sister's for dinner and opening of gifts. I am planning to bring my own food, probably a Weight Watcher's dinner. The food table will be off limits as I know it will be loaded down with goodies. I may come late and leave early depending on how strong I'm feeling and how successful I am at resisting the foods set out. Being afraid of food is definitely a step back for me, but right now I need to listen to and respect that fear.
There is some good news to report though. My clothes are so loose I will definitely need to do some shopping over this Christmas break. A couple of weeks ago I put on a pair of jeans I haven't been able to wear in a couple of years and they were so loose I couldn't wear them! These are the little victories I will keep in mind this week as I get back on track with diet and exercise.
I've also set a long term goal. By this time next year I will be at my goal weight of 120 pounds. Before this latest setback I had set a goal of being under 200 pounds by Dec. 31st. That most likely will not be the case. But I now have a new long term goal to shoot for and I'm determined that next year at this time I will be celebrating my new body. Now, off to the gym!
Dec. 6 weight 204.5 loss of 2 1/2 pounds since Dec. 1st post
Dec. 13 weight 204.5
Dec. 20 weight 210 gain of 5 1/2 pounds
Well, I've learned my lesson when it comes to baking at Christmas time. It won't happen again. I baked up a storm this year for the first time in many years. In earlier posts I mentioned that I had a lot of mom helpers in my classroom this year and decided the cheapest thing to do for Christmas gifts was to bake. I baked two kinds of cookies, pumpkin bread and one candy. I did very well in terms of not eating what I'd made. That is, until last Wednesday when I was bagging everything up for the individual gifts. I had some leftover cookies and instead of putting them down the disposal I ate "just a few". That's what I told myself I would do. And "just a few" turned into many more and that led to four days of abandon where I ate anything my little 'ole heart desired.
Today I go back to the gym where I plan to add new machines to my weight training regimen. Last week I began jogging at 3.8 mph for most of the 45 minutes I was on the treadmill and plan to do that again today. I will also go back to counting calories every day and keeping them at or under 1200. Christmas Eve our family is gathering at my sister's for dinner and opening of gifts. I am planning to bring my own food, probably a Weight Watcher's dinner. The food table will be off limits as I know it will be loaded down with goodies. I may come late and leave early depending on how strong I'm feeling and how successful I am at resisting the foods set out. Being afraid of food is definitely a step back for me, but right now I need to listen to and respect that fear.
There is some good news to report though. My clothes are so loose I will definitely need to do some shopping over this Christmas break. A couple of weeks ago I put on a pair of jeans I haven't been able to wear in a couple of years and they were so loose I couldn't wear them! These are the little victories I will keep in mind this week as I get back on track with diet and exercise.
I've also set a long term goal. By this time next year I will be at my goal weight of 120 pounds. Before this latest setback I had set a goal of being under 200 pounds by Dec. 31st. That most likely will not be the case. But I now have a new long term goal to shoot for and I'm determined that next year at this time I will be celebrating my new body. Now, off to the gym!
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
A Holiday Slip
Entry #35
Weight 207 pounds, gain of 1/2 pound
I guess gaining a half pound over the Thanksgiving holiday isn't too bad. I'm thankful that it was a small gain after the way I ate on Thanksgiving. I was determined not to snack my way through the day and did very well until I went to my sister's house to help her get the dinner prepared.
She had all kinds of great snacks put out. For awhile I avoided them, but eventually gave in and had a few which led to more and more and more. By the time dinner rolled around I wasn't even really hungry, but I ate anyway. For the first time in months I walked away from the table feeling stuffed. I'd forgotten how awful that feels.
My mistake, I think, is that I didn't really have a plan for how to deal with all the good food that would be set out. I'm not exactly looking forward to Christmas, but will definitely have to have a battle plan to deal with the food on that holiday.
Another challenge at this time of year is Christmas baking. I have six mother helpers in my classroom to give gifts to this year and I always set out a spread of various foods (both healthy and not so healthy) as my Christmas gift to the school staff. So that means lots of baking in the next three weeks. As baking is the least expensive of gift options, that is what I choose to do. I also love to bake and it's something I don't do much of during the school year because I don't have the time. The one ray of light in all of this is that I baked chocolate covered carrot cake bites and after sampling a few of them, put them in the freezer and haven't touched any in days. I'm hoping I can keep this up as I finish my baking.
Weight 207 pounds, gain of 1/2 pound
I guess gaining a half pound over the Thanksgiving holiday isn't too bad. I'm thankful that it was a small gain after the way I ate on Thanksgiving. I was determined not to snack my way through the day and did very well until I went to my sister's house to help her get the dinner prepared.
She had all kinds of great snacks put out. For awhile I avoided them, but eventually gave in and had a few which led to more and more and more. By the time dinner rolled around I wasn't even really hungry, but I ate anyway. For the first time in months I walked away from the table feeling stuffed. I'd forgotten how awful that feels.
My mistake, I think, is that I didn't really have a plan for how to deal with all the good food that would be set out. I'm not exactly looking forward to Christmas, but will definitely have to have a battle plan to deal with the food on that holiday.
Another challenge at this time of year is Christmas baking. I have six mother helpers in my classroom to give gifts to this year and I always set out a spread of various foods (both healthy and not so healthy) as my Christmas gift to the school staff. So that means lots of baking in the next three weeks. As baking is the least expensive of gift options, that is what I choose to do. I also love to bake and it's something I don't do much of during the school year because I don't have the time. The one ray of light in all of this is that I baked chocolate covered carrot cake bites and after sampling a few of them, put them in the freezer and haven't touched any in days. I'm hoping I can keep this up as I finish my baking.
Monday, November 22, 2010
Pants on the Ground (Almost)
Entry #34
Weight 206.5 pounds - loss of 3 pounds
I just re-read last week's entry and realized I hadn't finished it. My computer has been messing up and after awhile it just disconnects from the internet. I took it in to the Geek Squad on Saturday and thought it was fixed, finally. However, after being online for about an hour Saturday night I was again kicked off. Hopefully I can finish this one.
It's increasingly difficult for me to come up with stuff to write on this blog and have been thinking about stopping altogether. This summer it seemed so easy to find things to write about. Now, it's such an effort and I dread it. However, I think I should keep it up just as a matter of discipline. It's helped keep me on track with weight loss knowing I have to post my weight every Monday or Tuesday.
My weight loss is really starting to show in my clothes and that is a good feeling. One of these days I'll need to buy some new ones. But I like the feel of pants that used to fit being very loose and baggy.
On to Thanksgiving. This Thursday will present a number of challenges. I've thought about doing what Sean does and just add an extra 1,000 calories for the day's total. That sounds good, but am afraid it will be difficult to go back to sensible eating the next day.
Just returned from a long shopping trip with my little sister and her two little ones. She's hosting our family Thanksgiving dinner this year and watching her load her cart with all kinds of good, fattening things, it became quite clear that Thursday will present some challenges. I'm bringing salad and some carrot cake bites. I found the recipie for these on another homemaking blog and they sound divine. I'm actually using my family as guinea pigs to test the carrot cake bites. If they are well received, I will be making them for goody bags for my parent helpers at school. Maybe I will add those extra 1,000 calories after all!
Weight 206.5 pounds - loss of 3 pounds
I just re-read last week's entry and realized I hadn't finished it. My computer has been messing up and after awhile it just disconnects from the internet. I took it in to the Geek Squad on Saturday and thought it was fixed, finally. However, after being online for about an hour Saturday night I was again kicked off. Hopefully I can finish this one.
It's increasingly difficult for me to come up with stuff to write on this blog and have been thinking about stopping altogether. This summer it seemed so easy to find things to write about. Now, it's such an effort and I dread it. However, I think I should keep it up just as a matter of discipline. It's helped keep me on track with weight loss knowing I have to post my weight every Monday or Tuesday.
My weight loss is really starting to show in my clothes and that is a good feeling. One of these days I'll need to buy some new ones. But I like the feel of pants that used to fit being very loose and baggy.
On to Thanksgiving. This Thursday will present a number of challenges. I've thought about doing what Sean does and just add an extra 1,000 calories for the day's total. That sounds good, but am afraid it will be difficult to go back to sensible eating the next day.
Just returned from a long shopping trip with my little sister and her two little ones. She's hosting our family Thanksgiving dinner this year and watching her load her cart with all kinds of good, fattening things, it became quite clear that Thursday will present some challenges. I'm bringing salad and some carrot cake bites. I found the recipie for these on another homemaking blog and they sound divine. I'm actually using my family as guinea pigs to test the carrot cake bites. If they are well received, I will be making them for goody bags for my parent helpers at school. Maybe I will add those extra 1,000 calories after all!
Monday, November 15, 2010
Entry #33
Weight 209.5 No gain/no loss.
Not much of a surprise at weigh-in this morning. I didn't expect to lose much, if anything and wasn't disappointed. Lately I've found myself sliding on the calorie counting. It's so easy to pop in a handful of cereal while fixing dinner, or eat a couple of slices of roast beef as I'm making a sandwich for lunch. I've also been very lax in recording calories on the weekends. They haven't been free for alls, but it's too easy to consume extra calories when I don't keep track of the calories I've eaten. So, this coming week back to counting calories faithfully.
In the exercise department, I haven't done too badly this past week. I've stepped up the speed on the treadmill from 3.5 mph to 3.6 for 45 minutes. It doesn't sound like much of a jump, just a tenth of
Weight 209.5 No gain/no loss.
Not much of a surprise at weigh-in this morning. I didn't expect to lose much, if anything and wasn't disappointed. Lately I've found myself sliding on the calorie counting. It's so easy to pop in a handful of cereal while fixing dinner, or eat a couple of slices of roast beef as I'm making a sandwich for lunch. I've also been very lax in recording calories on the weekends. They haven't been free for alls, but it's too easy to consume extra calories when I don't keep track of the calories I've eaten. So, this coming week back to counting calories faithfully.
In the exercise department, I haven't done too badly this past week. I've stepped up the speed on the treadmill from 3.5 mph to 3.6 for 45 minutes. It doesn't sound like much of a jump, just a tenth of
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Some New Goals
Entry #32
Weight 209.5 pounds. Loss of 5.5 pounds over two weeks.
It's been two weeks since I've posted an entry. There seems to be less and less time for writing these days. Preparing report cards and getting ready for parent conferences takes priority over almost everything at this time of year.
The weight continues to come off and I am grateful for that. Because the losses are continuing to be more than expected, the thought that my scale is off keeps creeping up on me. As I blogged last time, the solution would be to weigh something like an unopened bag of flour or sugar to provide a quick answer. However, I'm still trusting that the numbers are right. Is this denial or just positive thinking?
I managed to survive Halloween with all the candy and goodies offered to me at my classroom Halloween party. One holiday down and two more to go. This is my absolute favorite time of year where three holidays are crammed into the space of three months. It will also prove to be the most challenging time this year. I am determined to enjoy Thanksgiving and Christmas, including a few goodies, but don't want to overindulge as in the past.
I met my three weight loss goals for October and feel good about that. The next step would be to set some new ones. So here goes. By November 30th these are the goals I will meet.
1. Elliptical - 15 minutes at Level 3.
2. Treadmill - 45 minutes at 3.6 or higher.
3. Loss of 10 more pounds.
These seem to be reasonable goals while still challenging. In terms of the other goals (decorating my living room and cleaning my garage and spare room) I didn't fare so well. I even had a friend offer to help me with the decorating and I've put off calling her. I'm not sure why decorating seems to be such a huge challenge that I don't even want to begin. So, I will set a very short term goal - by this Sunday, Nov. 14th, I will call my friend and set up a time for her to come over and give me some tips. There. Now it's in writing and published so I'll have to do it or face coming back here next week and admitting failure once again.
Weight 209.5 pounds. Loss of 5.5 pounds over two weeks.
It's been two weeks since I've posted an entry. There seems to be less and less time for writing these days. Preparing report cards and getting ready for parent conferences takes priority over almost everything at this time of year.
The weight continues to come off and I am grateful for that. Because the losses are continuing to be more than expected, the thought that my scale is off keeps creeping up on me. As I blogged last time, the solution would be to weigh something like an unopened bag of flour or sugar to provide a quick answer. However, I'm still trusting that the numbers are right. Is this denial or just positive thinking?
I managed to survive Halloween with all the candy and goodies offered to me at my classroom Halloween party. One holiday down and two more to go. This is my absolute favorite time of year where three holidays are crammed into the space of three months. It will also prove to be the most challenging time this year. I am determined to enjoy Thanksgiving and Christmas, including a few goodies, but don't want to overindulge as in the past.
I met my three weight loss goals for October and feel good about that. The next step would be to set some new ones. So here goes. By November 30th these are the goals I will meet.
1. Elliptical - 15 minutes at Level 3.
2. Treadmill - 45 minutes at 3.6 or higher.
3. Loss of 10 more pounds.
These seem to be reasonable goals while still challenging. In terms of the other goals (decorating my living room and cleaning my garage and spare room) I didn't fare so well. I even had a friend offer to help me with the decorating and I've put off calling her. I'm not sure why decorating seems to be such a huge challenge that I don't even want to begin. So, I will set a very short term goal - by this Sunday, Nov. 14th, I will call my friend and set up a time for her to come over and give me some tips. There. Now it's in writing and published so I'll have to do it or face coming back here next week and admitting failure once again.
Monday, October 25, 2010
Three Goals Met
Entry #31
Weight 215 lbs. Loss of 3 pounds.
I'm seriously beginning to wonder if there's something wrong with my scale. I expected to lose this week, but not as much as three pounds. I'm afraid to test the scale with a 5 lb. bag of sugar or flour to find out! I think I'll just choose to believe the good news.
It's possible that I did lose that much last week. Instead of walking 3.4 mph on the treadmill for 45 minutes I've bumped up the speed to 3.5 and have added extra weight to some of the machines. I'm up to 14 minutes on the elliptical with one more minute to go until I reach my Oct. 31st goal of 15 minutes.
Finally some beautiful fall weather! I feel so much better in the fall and just love seeing the colorful leaves on trees. An overcast, windy day energizes me. I've never been able to figure out why I love overcast, rainy weather. It's so contrary to what most people like. I think one reason may be that I associate overcast weather with the holiday season. The time between Halloween and Christmas is my favorite and most of this season occurs in the autumn.
Speaking of holidays, I'm beginning to plan what I'll give as Christmas gifts this year. I only buy for nieces and nephews and it's usually gift cards. However, we teachers voluntarily took a five day furlough this year to save the school district some money and some teacher's jobs and that's made a difference in my paycheck. So, trying to figure out gifts for nieces, nephews and the many mom helpers I've got in my classroom this year will be a challenge. In the past, I've baked cookies and breads and that's probably what I'll be doing this year. That may not be the best decision considering my dieting. At least there's a little time left to think this over.
In the meantime I plan to just keep doing what I've bee doing. It seems to be working and it's a good feeling!
Weight 215 lbs. Loss of 3 pounds.
I'm seriously beginning to wonder if there's something wrong with my scale. I expected to lose this week, but not as much as three pounds. I'm afraid to test the scale with a 5 lb. bag of sugar or flour to find out! I think I'll just choose to believe the good news.
It's possible that I did lose that much last week. Instead of walking 3.4 mph on the treadmill for 45 minutes I've bumped up the speed to 3.5 and have added extra weight to some of the machines. I'm up to 14 minutes on the elliptical with one more minute to go until I reach my Oct. 31st goal of 15 minutes.
Finally some beautiful fall weather! I feel so much better in the fall and just love seeing the colorful leaves on trees. An overcast, windy day energizes me. I've never been able to figure out why I love overcast, rainy weather. It's so contrary to what most people like. I think one reason may be that I associate overcast weather with the holiday season. The time between Halloween and Christmas is my favorite and most of this season occurs in the autumn.
Speaking of holidays, I'm beginning to plan what I'll give as Christmas gifts this year. I only buy for nieces and nephews and it's usually gift cards. However, we teachers voluntarily took a five day furlough this year to save the school district some money and some teacher's jobs and that's made a difference in my paycheck. So, trying to figure out gifts for nieces, nephews and the many mom helpers I've got in my classroom this year will be a challenge. In the past, I've baked cookies and breads and that's probably what I'll be doing this year. That may not be the best decision considering my dieting. At least there's a little time left to think this over.
In the meantime I plan to just keep doing what I've bee doing. It seems to be working and it's a good feeling!
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