A New Year

Entry #37



December 27 Weight 202.5 Loss of 7.5 pounds
January 3 Weight 200.5 Loss of 2 pounds

I've been so bad about keeping this blog up. I wish I could blame it on being busy, but after having two weeks off from school, that would be somewhat less than honest.

I don't know what's been going on with my weight for the past two weeks. I put on over five pounds in a week because I ate so many of the Christmas goodies I baked. Then in one week's time I lost 7 1/2 pounds. During that week I had the stomach flu and didn't eat much of anything for two days and for the rest of the week I was good with my food and exercise. Still, it's hard to believe I could lose that much weight in one week. However, I did step on the scale holding two five pound weights and my weight was correct, so I guess somehow I did lose all that weight.

My loss this past week is a little more believable. I'm so happy to almost be under 200 pounds for the first time in over ten years! I'm looking forward to doing a little clothes shopping maybe next weekend.

With these past two successes also comes struggling with some old familiar bad habits. For some reason I've been having a hard time staying away from snacking between meals. I don't eat a lot, but it's a habit I had curbed for the most part since last summer. Also, I find myself thinking wistfully about going on just a "little" binge. I remember how good it felt to just let go and eat whatever my heart desired in any amount I wanted. Of course, the feelings changed to guilt, disappointment, and depression almost as soon as I'd finished eating. After that I would struggle with trying to go back on a diet which was not usually successful. Thankfully, remembering the bad side of a binge has kept me in check.

The holidays are over again for another year. Once again I did not decorate for Christmas. It's hard to get too excited about decorating for just myself. But I've often wondered why I don't "get in the Christmas spirit" and decorate. After spending some time this year thinking about it I think I may have hit on the reason.

When I was younger and living at home we always decorated for Christmas with a tree and other festive decorations. Then January first came around and the next day all the decorations came down and were packed away for another year. That was always such a difficult and depressing day for me. I think maybe the reason I don't like to decorate is that I don't want to deal with having to take everything down and pack it away as well as the feelings that go along with that. I need to come up with something to be happy about in January. That will take some thought.

Although I gave up making New Year's resolutions years ago, it would be good to set some goals. But I think I'll spend some time thinking about what I want them to be and put them in another post.