It's been almost a week since posting. I feel bad about not writing more, but since school has started up again, my time is very limited.
Today was kind of hard. I attended a religious conference where Father Benedict Groeschel was the speaker. He's one of my favorite speakers, someone who can get a point across with a great sense of humor. He's 77 years old and very frail now, but still very enjoyable.
Lunch was included in the price of my ticket and it wasn't exactly a dieter's delight. There was a turkey and jack cheese sandwich, a bag of potato chips, cup of fruit cocktail (yuck!) and a chocolate chip cookie. I was very hungry so I knew I would eat the whole sandwich. The chips were 230 calories but I also ate those. The cookie I put away until later. Although I didn't know exact amounts, I decided to count the lunch as 500 calories. That's probably pretty safe.
Later I ate the cookie while driving to Mass. As I was enjoying every morsel of that cookie old thoughts came flooding through my mind. I've had these thoughts every time I stray from a diet and enjoy a treat. The thoughts tell me that I've blown my diet and what's the use depriving myself the rest of the day? There's always tomorrow to go back on the diet.
As these thoughts were going through my mind I reminded myself that I had accounted for the cookie in the 500 calories I allotted to the lunch. But I was looking for an excuse to eat more junk food so I chose to ignore that fact. It was a real struggle not to give in and binge. Reminding myself of how much I've accomplished in the past month helped and it was enough to keep me from buying more junk food to finish off later tonight.
It is so necessary to almost constantly remind myself that I am making progress and that, even though it will take a long time and lots of patience, I will make it to goal. I just have to want it more than I want the temporary comfort of a fast food fix. Sometimes I'm not so sure I do. It's easy to get discouraged when I see myself in a mirror or try on clothes that are the same size as when I began this diet. What's necessary is perseverance and that's not always been part of my vocabulary. I'm working on making it my favorite word.