May 28, 2014                                                                            Weight  209lbs.

     Well, here I go again.  For the umpteenth time.  Getting serious about my weight.  It's so depressing and what's worse, I can't blame it on anyone but myself.  I've gotten on and off the wagon so many times the last two years or so, it's discouraging.

     Enough bellyaching. As the school year winds down, I am planning on spending more time at the gym and planning good, healthy meals.  For awhile I tried a combination of Paleo and gluten free eating.  Yeah, that lasted about a week.  I don't know which direction to go in. I was determined to not buy or eat any Weight Watchers meals as they're loaded with preservatives.  But, they're so damned convenient.  So, this week I am back on eating them.  They taste good and are low in calories.

     So, what I've decided is to eat as "clean" as possible but not to be too rigid.  I am also planning on going back to counting calories again.  That seemed to work the best for me.  I'm resisting that as it's a gigantic pain in the neck, among other places.

Another Start

Weight 199 lbs.

Starting again.  The story of my life.  I'm so disgusted with myself for putting so much weight back on.  But being disgusted doesn't help me get to where I want to be.  So, I'm trying to be positive about this.

"I want to be healthy and I want to be thin."  I kept repeating that to myself yesterday while I was on the treadmill.  It's a good mantra.  Maybe it should be "I want to be at a healthy weight" instead, though.  Because, amazingly, with all the abuse I've put my poor body through in terms of eating and weight, I'm in very good health.  I have no right to be considering how I've eaten throughout my life and avoided exercise like it was the plague.

I keep trying to find a way to do this with as little pain as possible.  A month ago I started counting calories again and lost over ten pounds.  Today counting calories again is depressing so I'm going to try it by just making good food decisions and exercising.

 

STARTING OVER

  It's been over  a year since writing an entry.  The last was in September 2011.  But for the past week I've been kicking the idea of starting up again around in my head.  

  This week has been nothing but depressing in more than one area of my life.  On Sunday I jogged/walked a 5K and was certain that I had beat my time by minutes from the previous Saturday only to find out I didn't.  I felt that I'd spent more time jogging at a good clip than the previous Saturday and was very disappointed.   I'm signed up for another 5k in San Francisco, "The Mermaid Run" in November and am not sure I'll even go.

  Monday is my weigh-in day at Weight Watchers.  I figured I'd lost a little but when I weighed I was up by about a pound.  I began eating directly after the meeting and haven't stopped yet.

  Tuesday I found out a wonderful teacher and all around great person was killed in a car accident.  She was a special education teacher I'd worked with a couple of times.  Every time I ran into Joan she was friendly and cheerful.  She leaves behind a husband, three children and many people who loved her.

  Thursday I decided to weigh myself at my doctor's office.  When I stepped on the scale  it weighed me almost ten pounds heavier than the Weight Watcher's scale on Monday night.  I know that I didn't put on ten pounds in three days, so one of the scales was wrong.  When I got home I hopped on my scale and it was a couple of pounds lighter than my doctor's scale.  Two scales say my weight is around 185 and one that says it's around 175.  Which scale do I believe?  I think tomorrow I'll weigh at my doctor's and then go on to my Weight Watchers meeting to weigh.

  Friday and Saturday I spent eating anything and everything I wanted.  Too depressing to go into in detail, so I won't.  Today I've done nothing but eat, sleep and watch television.  I didn't even feel like going out to eat or get more junk food.  I've been eating whatever I can find here, some healthy things and some not so healthy.

  What concerns me is that I feel exactly like I have the other times I lost weight and then put it all back on again.  The depression and feelings of hopelessness are so familiar they're almost old friends. Except they're not friends, they're just familiar.  I'm so afraid of putting the weight back on, even the weight I thought I'd lost, but evidently (at least according to my doctor's scale) didn't.

  Right now there's a superstorm, Hurricane Sandy, battering the east coast.  I'm in the middle of my own superstorm.  I feel like everything is crashing down on me and I'm powerless to stop the ball rolling and threatening to run me over.  I keep telling myself that I will begin again tomorrow with an early morning workout at the gym.  However, I said that to myself all day yesterday and it didn't happen.  I am telling myself right now that I WILL go tomorrow and feel confident that this time I'll really go.  I'm hoping I do keep that date and begin back on the road to weight loss and feeling better.

My First 5K

This morning my sister, Christine, and I ran/jogged/walked a 5K in honor of firefighters who lost their lives in the twin towers on September 11, 2001.  Christine is a runner, who just recently ran the San Francisco Marathon, so she ran.  I was the jogger/walker.  I had been contemplating entering a 5K for the past couple of months and when I heard this one advertised on KAT 103.3 last week I decided that this would be the one. 

With the 10th anniversary of the terrorist attacks of 9/11 approaching I was reminded of the helplessness I felt on that day.  Watching the towers fall on live television there was nothing I could do but cry and pray.  Later that day there was a special Mass at St. Stanislaus Church to attend. On the way home, hoping that there would be survivors in need of blood, I  stopped at the Delta Blood Bank to donate.  There was a long line of people there already and the workers were sending everyone home.  Again, feelings of helplessness and disappointment.

Watching television coverage of the many memorials planned for this weekend reminded me of the helplessness I felt ten years ago.  Being a part of this special event eased that.  Participants in the 5K were given a lanyard with the photo and name of a hero firefighter who died that day.  All along the way there were volunteers pointing us in the right direction and waving our flag.  I finished in just over 43 minutes, which isn't anything to write home about, but it is a start.  I plan to enter more of these events.  I've needed something to challenge me a little more and maybe I've found it.

A New Beginning

Weight 170 pounds

That number looks better. Last week I'd gained another half pound which put me at 174 so I buckled down and got more serious. Also, last week school started and I was much more active. Another side benefit from being back in school is that I don't have access to food as much as I do on vacations.

My summer vacation just flew by this year. They always seem to go fast, but this one especially so. I had to move from one classroom to another on the other side of the building so I spent quite a bit of time at school moving and setting up a new room. Then there was all the time I wasted in front of the boob tube. My intentions for this past summer were to stay active working in my yard and helping with a large garden at my mom's place in Escalon. You know what they say about good intentions (in case you don't, the road to hell is paved with them). I did work in my yard and plant some new jasmine and honeysuckle vines along with some ground cover, but that was about it. I seem to get more done when I don't have as much time to do it in. Maybe it's the discipline of being back in school, but I'm more productive at home during the school year. Go figure.

One thing I'm planning on doing at school is to be more physically active with my class. Having kindergartners, at this time of the year, I need to take activity breaks often during our mornings to let them get their wiggles out. So instead of just supervising the activity, I am joining in with them. Besides the benefit of providing comic relief for my kids, I get in a little extra exercise. I'm also taking them out for P.E. and am more of a participant there as well. This year we have three kindergarten classes at Van Allen and a couple of times a week I will be taking half of them out for P.E. while the other half are playing indoors. Yesterday was the first day we did this and the kids did well considering it was the first P.E. lesson. I'm looking forward to a very active year!

Vacation Indiscretions

Monday, August 8, 2011.

Weight 173.5 Gain of 3.5 pounds.

No surprise at the gain. I've been sliding quite a bit lately. Last week I was on vacation for a few days on the coast. Thursday through Sunday I did very well with watching what I ate. To save some money as well as calories, this time I brought an ice chest along and packed it with fruits, vegetables, yogurt, low fat deli meats, pancakes and turkey bacon. So most of my meals I stayed pretty much on my eating plan. However, on Monday I went nuts.

One of my favorite television channels is, of course, the Food Network. A couple of years ago I was watching an episode of "Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives" and a little hole in the wall cafe in San Francisco was one of the diners featured. The name of the place is "Dottie's True Blue Cafe". It's on Jones Street near Union Square. They serve the most wonderful, creative foods - all made there in the kitchen. It's a very small place with a line of people out the door waiting to be seated. Although they are famous for their blueberry cornmeal pancakes I ordered one of the daily specials, chocolate chip, butterscotch chip french toast with chicken apple sausage. Oh yummm!

Then I hopped on a cable car and it was on to Fisherman's Wharf. I walked around looking at all of the tourist trap places and managed to resist the temptation to spend a bunch of money there. The Exploratorium is a place I've never visited and I decided to walk to it from the Wharf. It's over two miles, but it was a nice, cool, overcast day and I enjoyed the walk. I arrived at the Exploratorium only to be told that it's closed to the public on Mondays. As I turned around to walk the two miles back to the wharf I fantasized about what I was going to order at Ghiradelli Square. By the time I got there I had decided against totally blowing my diet by indulging in Ghiradelli chocolate. Score one for me.

That evening the lure of dinner at an Italian restuarant in North Beach, however, was too much to resist. I walked up and down the street trying to decide where to further blow my diet. Finally I chose to eat outside at Volare. An order of spaghetti with meatballs, french bread dipped in olive oil and balsamic vinegar, a glass of white wine anda piece of double chocolate cake later I headed back to the motel for the evening.

I probably could have avoided gaining as much as I did if my "naughty" eating was confined to Monday. However, I continued to make unwise choices until Thursday morning when I went back to the gym to work out. All in all, I didn't do too badly. Going on vacation used to be just one long excuse to eat whatever I wanted. That didn't happen this time and I feel very good about that.

A Blessed Life

Weight 170. No gain, no loss this week. Good 'nuff.

I actually weighed myself on Sunday morning instead of my usual Monday morning weigh-in. I'm babysitting my two nieces Madeline and Abby and am away from my scale today. I wasn't surprised that I didn't lose anything this past week. Tuesday evening I hosted a small get together for some friends from church and didn't exactly keep to the eating plan. It could have been worse, but I definitely let loose. The good, no great, thing about it is that I didn't beat myself up about it and went back to watching the calories and exercising the next day.

Yesterday my nephew threw a surprise 30th birthday party for his wife, Jennifer. It was a good time for all. Jennifer is a former student of mine. She was in my first grade and second grade classes when I was teaching at Farmington School. A few years back when they started dating I was thrilled to hear Christopher found a great girl. Now, they have three beautiful children. Ryan, their oldest, will be starting kindergarten at Van Allen this year and, even if he isn't in my class, I will get to see him every day. A little constant reminder of how old I'm getting!

Another sign of age creeping up on me is actually working alongside students I had in class years ago. A young woman I had as a first grader years ago at Farmington has worked as a substitute teacher at Van Allen. I found out Saturday that she will be teaching kindergarten in Stanislaus County this coming fall. She's going to make a wonderful teacher. Her students are very lucky. And I feel lucky and blessed that I'm surrounded by such wonderful people, both family and friends.